She was no Queen ..

Kali, Kaylie, KCat is gone
Dead and gone and stirring up the rainbow bridge something fierce if I know her.
Wednesday night she was a little quiet - unhappy about something she sat on my lap and the computer but didn't really want to eat her extra canned food at bedtime. Thursday morning I could see something was seriously wrong- she was checking out. She was cold and accepted blankets and a hot pack for quite awhile but more seriously there was nothing I could do to tempt her to eat. Even her much favoured Pill Pockets didn't even provoke a sniff. Poached chicken, warmed baby food, ad - nothing - she simply didn't want to eat. She was happy enough to have company: dogs, cats and people. She wasn't pushy though .. and that is not like her.

She battled her cancer for well over a year - and probably longer - her indomitable spirit kept her jumping on the fridge, telling off cats, batting little fake mice around the house, insisting on her nightly cuddles long after her blood values suggested she should be unable to walk let alone play. It was a bone marrow cancer of some sort - being Kali once we had a diagnosis we didn't do much invasive stuff - she was not a fan of being handled on terms other than her own. We did a home course of chemo, and she was on pred and fortekor (she developed a heart murmur somewhere in the last year of her life) but apart from those daily meds we let her be. We did do two transfusions - one was for her in September as she so clearly wasn't ready to go and one was just before Christmas which, truth be told, was for me - losing two souls I loved dearly in the space of a week was more than I could bear. The first transfusion gave her excellent quality of life for nearly 4 months. The second did the same for three weeks. I would do both again in the same circumstances. A third transfusion simply wasn't feasible today though - Kali's body was SO WEAK it just wouldn't have been fair. I think more was going on as well - the lack of appetite was not typical at all of the last 8 months with her.
Unlike Dumont Kali was not ready to go - she fought death with every action -even trying to walk away from her carrier as I prepared it for the drive to Danforth. Dr Au, Debbie and I considered all options - it was hard for all of us to accept that the end really had come. However there wasn't much we hadn't tried to extend her quality and quantity of life and we all realized that anything we could do short term might result in suffering or pain. To imagine Kali suffering was impossible to us all.
I held her for the catheter - no other cat would have needed it if as weak as she was but she was Kali - and I was glad we had. She was very restless afterwards and took some time to settle back down. Once the euthanol hit her vein her weak body gratefully drifted away even as she puffed her breath into my face as hard as she could. What a funny, spiritual, spirited girl she was.
Impossible to imagine life without our funny tricoloured cat. She is a force to be reckoned with!

There is a poem I often find small comfort in in times like this - it could have been written for our girl

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!
Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the song that will never end.

I am the love of family and friend.

I am the child who has come to rest

In the arms of the Father who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,

I am the scented evening air.

I am the joy of a task well done.

I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!
~ Mary E. Frye ~